Books Are For Humans
by CookieFlame
Summary: Bulma gives Goku and Vegeta a reading lesson...Hmm, Vegeta and Goku...reading? Well, knowing them... this can't end well, proving that books, really are for humans.
1. Chapter 1

_**I'm pretty sure I don't own Dragon Ball Z or it's**_

_**characters...but if I did then I guess I'm complete!**_

_**But seriously, I don't own it people! So that would make tis a**_

_**DISCLAIMER!**_

**Takes place during three year waiting period for the Androids.**

**Books Are For Humans: Chapter 1: A Special Prize**

"Woman! Get over here!" Vegeta yelled. He had come out of his gravity room to eat something but there was a bit of an obstacle in his way.

"What do you want you highness?" Bulma asked sarcastically.

"This thing is broken, and I'm about to blast everything unless it gets fixed.

"Vegeta, that's a jar of peanut butter..." Bulma said trying to control herself so that she wouldn't laugh.

"Well, it's broken," he spat.

"No it's not," Bulma chuckled.

"I think I would know! Are you calling me stupid?" Vegeta growled.

"Vegeta, it says right there that you have turn and then pull on the lid," she explained.

"Where does it say that!?" Vegeta demanded to know.

"On the lid..." Bulma pointed.

"I think you're lying to me," he said narrowing his eyes at her.

"No I'm no- wait a second," Bulma started.

"What? You dare to make me, the Prince of all Saiyans wait!?" Vegeta yelled. Then Bulma put on a grin bigger than her face.

"You still don't know how to read, do you?" Bulma asked.

"Of course I do! I just don't know how to read your chicken scratch of a language!" Vegeta argued.

"Well. I think it's time you learned," Bulma sighed putting her hands on her hips.

"Well I think it's time that you shut up!" Vegeta growled.

"Say what you want, but..." Bulma started, maybe if she brought up Goku, he would want to have a chance to be better at him than something.

"But what woman," Vegeta said mimicking her.

"I'm pretty sure even Goku can read a bit," Bulma said smirking.

"Kakarrot? Better than me? That's a sick joke. Alright woman, teach me how to read your pathetic language," Vegeta snarled.

"Okay, I'll get Goku to come over for a reading lesson," Bula said.

"Wait Kakarrot is coming?" Vegeta asked disgusted.

"Yeah, is that a problem Prince?" Bulma asked batting her eyelashes.

"I don't give a crap, just as long as he doesn't interfere," Vegeta smirked.

"Okie dokie," Bulma smiled.

_**5 minutes later...**_

"Yes Cheech, can you get him to come?" Bulma asked over the phone.

"Well, I don't know, you know Saiyans and their training, I'll try Bulma, but I make no promises," Chi-Chi explained.

"Ok, well I'll see you around Chi-Chi," Bulma said as she hung up.

"Bye Bulma," Chi-Chi replied. Bulma didn't think that Goku would come in the end but, it was worth a try.

_**The next morning...**_

"Woman wake up! Time to start the damn lesson!" Vegeta yelled. He was in her room at 5 in the morning, she was going to unleash all of hell on him.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? IT IS 5 IN THE MORNING! I NEED MY SLEEP YOU DUMBASS!" Bulma screeched. Vegeta was fightened for a second, but then he shook it off, but he still remained speechless for a few moments.

"Well, weren't you going to teach me and the idiot how to read!?" Vegeta snarled. He was enjoying this. He never thought that he could annoy her quicker if he bothered her in the morning before she got up. He would have to remember this for later.

"Yes, but I need my sleep!" she screamed.

"Get up!" Vegeta continued.

"FINE!" she replied angered.

"Hmph" he responded.

"Is Goku even here yet?" she asked rubbing her eyes.

"Yes, he's the one that woke me up!" Vegeta answered.

"Okay I'll be down in a second," she yawned. She couldn't believe that Goku came, she wondered why?

_**10 minutes later...**_

"Okay fellas, time to start," Bulma said.

"Hey Bulma, Chi-Chi mentioned there would be food, is there?" Goku asked hopefully. *So that's how she got him to come over...That Chi-Chi...* Bulma thought rolling her eyes.

"Um, yeah there is, but only when you have read an entire book, can you eat," Bulma said formulating a plan.

"OK!" Goku smiled.

"Stupid Kakarrot..." Vegeta muttered.

"What was that Vegeta?" Bulma asked narrowing her eyes at him.

"Nothing..." Vegeta smirked. Goku just sat blinking at them. *Those two sure are strange...* Goku though to himself.

"Alright lets begin! We're going to start out slow, then we'll work our way up to reading Shakespear" Bulma started, "First we'll start with the alphabet,"

"Oh, I know those!" Goku cheered.

" 'I know those', look at me I'm Kakarrot, and I have enough braincells to remember 26 letters," Vegeta mimicked.

"Hey, I don't sound like that!" Goku argued.

"Both of you knock it off!" Bulma yelled.

"He started it!" Goku pointed.

"Well I'm ending it!" Bulma screamed. "Ok Goku, can you recite the alphabet to me?"

"Uhuh, A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-P-Q-R-S-T-U-V-W-X-Y- Z, now I know my ABC'S, next time won't you sing with me!" Goku smiled.

"Very good Goku!" Bulma laughed "Vegeta do you know the alphabet?" she asked.

"Maybe..." Vegeta turned his head.

"Well, is that a yes or no?" she asked annoyed.

"Yes," he muttered in response.

"Well, recite it," she said.

"With pleasure," he coughed to clear his throat " A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-P-Q-R-S-T-U-V-W-X-Y- Z, now I know my ABC's, now I get to blast someone!"

"I don't think that last part was how it went," Goku pointed out. Bulma just slapped her forehead with her palm.

"Ok, seeing as how both of you know the alphabet, lets see if you can write it out," Bulma informed setting out paper and pencils.

"What?" Goku asked.

"We're going to see if you can write the alphabet out Goku," she explained.

"Um, okay I guess," he responded.

"Now, first to correctly write out the alphabet wins a prize," Bulma said smiling.

"OOH, what kind of prize?" Goku asked grinning.

"A special prize," she answered.

"Hmph," Vegeta smirked. Bulma gave them each paper and a sharpened pencil. Both men got their pencils and hovered them over their given paper.

"No cheating, this is a competition" she started "And GO!" Bulma yelled.

**Ok, I hope you guys liked it! Please REVIEW and tell me how to improve it for you guys! I love of all of you guys for reading this, even if you thought it was awful, I thank you guys for taking the time to read it!**


	2. It Turned Evil

_**I'm pretty sure I don't own Dragon Ball Z or it's**_

_**characters...but if I did then I guess I'm complete!**_

_**But seriously, I don't own it people! So that would make tis a**_

_**DISCLAIMER!**_

**Books Are For Humans: Chapter 2: It Turned Evil**

"You're going down Kakarrot!" Vegeta yelled while scrolling the letters on his paper.

"Shut up Vegeta or I will disqualify you!" Bulma yelled. After a minute or so Bulma decided it was time to see how they did. "Pencils down! Lets see how you guys did,". She picked up the papers and then wished that she hadn't. It was total chaos on Goku's paper, there was pencil markings everywhere, Bulma couldn't tell where it began or where it ended. Vegeta's was just rude. He drew what appeared to be a dead Goku lying face down on the ground and himself laughing. She looked up from the papers.

"So...who won?" Goku asked.

"I bet it was me..." Vegeta smirked.

"Actually, neither of you did! I guess we'll have to spend some time on writing," Bulma sighed.

"Darn it!" Goku whined.

"This is bullsh-"

"VEGETA! Watch you language!" Bulma screamed.

"Hmph," Vegeta responded.

"Ok so lets start with the letter 'A', this is what you do in order to write it," explained Bulma writing the letter. Both men watched, Vegeta turned away ususally to stress his dis-interest in this. "Ok, now both of you try to do it," motioned Bulma. The two Saiyans grabbed their pencils and started scribbling. Bulma then took the papers and saw the smallest amount of improvement.

"Ok, so you guys made progress," Bulma said raising an eyebrow.

"Sweet, do we get food now?" Goku asked.

"Nope, not yet, not until we read an entire book," Bulma reminded.

"Wait a big book or one of those kid books?" Goku asked again.

"Well, considering the state you two are in, I'd say a children's book will be our check point," Bulma sighed.

"Ok, letter 'B' time!" Bulma huffed.

_**24 letters or 6 hours later...**_

"No Goku! The letter 'N' did not turn evil and turn into the letter 'Z', you got it!?" Bulma yelled. They had just gotten through on how to write out all the letters when Goku thought it was time to make up backround stories on each of the letters.

"Well, I don't think so, but whatever..." Goku grinned.

"Kakarrot you're an idiot..."muttered Vegeta.

"Now Vegeta, remember your manners," Bulma said.

"Ok boys time to see what you guys have learned, we will do the same test we did earlier," Bulma explained.

"Okie dokie, I think we've made improvements Bulma," said Goku cheerfully.

"We'll see, ok, pencils ready?" Bulma started.

"This time you're going down for sure Kakarrot," Vegeta smirked.

"Vegeta, I don't want to see the same thing you did on your last paper, you got it?" Bulma asked.

"What-ever," Vegeta muttered.

"Ok...GO!" Bulma signaled.

After a few minutes she decided to see if they had made any progress and then hoped for the better.

"Ok, pencils down," she stopped. She took the papers and saw something unexpected. Vegeta's penmanship was inpecable, she wouldn't admit it but, it was better than most men who have been around their own language and have mysteriously never been able enough to write out neatly. But by no means was it better than hers. The only mistake he made was switching N,Z,W,M,P,Q. Now she looked at Goku's paper, his penmanship could be improved but he had the alphabet in order, and even added the lowercase letters that they went oer briefly. This was a close race. She couldn't bring herself to choose, Vegeta's was neatly written but he had some errors, and Goku's was a bit sloppy but no errors were made, maybe she should make a tiebreaker. Yeah, that was it, but she has to think about it fast, the two Saiyans were looking at her eagerly.

"So woman!? Who won?" Vegeta questioned.

"Um..." Bulma responded.

"Well!?" Vegeta spat.

"It's kind of a tie..." she stammered.

"What!?" both Saiyans yelled.

"But then who wins?" Goku asked scratching his head.

"Well, no one for the minute, that's why we're going to have a tiebreaker!" Bulma smiled.

"DAMN IT!" Vegeta bellowed.

"Calm down Vegeta, it's not that big of a deal, I promise someone has to win the tiebreaker, so don't get your tai-" Bulma stopped herself in mid sentence. She was going to say that he shouldn't get his "tail" in a knot, but then thought that she wanted to live so she kept quiet. Vegeta just continued to gare simultaniously at Bulma and Goku.

"So, what is the tiebreaker Bulma?" Goku asked trying to rid the room of tension.

"You guys have to list the alphabet and write out a word that starts with each letter, but here's the catch,there's a time limit,you guys have to try to get the most letters done, just one word, and it doesn't matter how long it is," Bulma said speaking at the top of her head.

"Sounds good to me!" Goku cheered.

"Sounds retarded to me..." Vegeta scowled.

"Hmph, well Vegeta you're the one about to do it anyways so what exactly does that say about you..." shot Bulma.

"What-ever," Vegeta spat. He hated when the woman ridiculed him like that. He is the Prince of Saiyans, no one ever treated him with such disrespect, he would get his revenge soon enough.

"Okie dokie boys, you get 5 minutes to write, no cheating, and no killing each other, we got the ground rules down?" Bulma chuckled.

"I guess so," Goku responded.

"Okay, pencils up!" Bulma commanded. Both Saiyans got their pencils and again hovered them over their papers, Vegeta scowling while doing so. "And go..." Bulma said beginning her timer.

Vegeta slammed his pencil hard enough to chip off the ponity end of his pencil. He began to scribble and scribble, but once he got to what he thought was the hardest letter, he sat there for what seemed like hours. Goku kept pausing at each letter as if pondering the letters, this is what kept the Prince of Saiyans and Earth's hero, at equal pace. Bulma was of course, reading her magazine, giving a chuckle occasionally. Bulma looked over the corner of her magazine, Vegeta and Goku were eyeing their pages like a predator would their prey. She had to laugh at the thought, and of course Vegeta glared at her, which made her laugh even harder.

_**3 minutes later...**_

"Ok, times up! Let me see your pages!" Bulma exclaimed.

"That is ridiculous! How were we supposed to work when you were laughing like an idiot!?" Vegeta yelled.

"All the more reason to show off your skills to concetrate!" Bulma laughed. Goku and Vegeta handed their papers over to her, and Buma couldn't believe what she was seeing. She was absolutely horrified, she immediately knew who the winner was but she couldn't help but be wide-eyed at one of the given papers.

"So, Bulma...who's the winner?" Goku asked.

"It's..." was all she could stutter.

**Ok so that's chapter 2! I hope you guys enjoyed it! Sorry it was short... If yall want to see why Bulma was horried I may or may not post it on my profile next week or in a day... Anyways please REVIEW and let me know on how to improve for you guys, that would make me happy! So, thank all you guys for being wonderful, I can't tell you all how happy I am. Until next time you guys!**


	3. Victory is Such Sweet Sorrrow

_**I'm pretty sure I don't own Dragon Ball Z or it's**_

_**characters...but if I did then I guess I'm complete!**_

_**But seriously, I don't own it people! So that would make this a**_

_**DISCLAIMER!**_

**Ok you guys...this is it! The winner will be revealed and so will the loser...the problem is who is what? READ!**

**Books Are For Humans: Chapter 3: Victory is Such Sweet Sorrow**

"Well!? Who won woman!?" Vegeta yelled impatiently, though with a smug smile on his face.

Bulma was completely disgusted at the paper she was given. She knew what the words meant, but she never thought someone would ever use them...it was awful. And to think that they were all written correctly...oh well. She hated being the one who had to be the bearer of bad news but she had to make the descision.

Both Saiyans looked at her anxiously. She felt a bit queesy at the sight but took a deep breath and sighed.

"The winner is... Goku," at that moment Goku fist pumped the air while Vegeta just sat dumbfounded.

"That is IMPOSSIBLE! How could this idiot do anything right!? He's a complete and utter buffoon! This was a scam! You two are in cohootz with eachother, is that it!?" Vegeta went beserk.

"Stop being such a sore loser Vegeta. You lost fair and square. It's not like people voted against you... you lost because Goku's paper was better. End of discussion," Bulma explained

"Well Bulma, I think I should be heading home, Gohan needs his training and well so do I," Goku smiled.

"Ah...Yeah, ok. See you tomorrow Goku," Bulma said. She looked over at Vegeta who was looking through the window. What the hell is up with him? Maybe he knew he was going to lose... It was a thought, but Bulma shook her head at the idea. Goku proceded to leave her house and she watched as he disapeared.

She walked back inside her house to find something disturbing. Vegeta was laughing... like a psycho!

Why in th hell was he laughing!? It was awhile before he even noticed her and calmed down.

"Looks like you were expecting this Vegeta," Bulma pointed out. She wanted to know how in the hell did he come into contact with the words he wrote down, he never exactly watched television or went on the internet. He responded to her remark with a shrug. *What is wrong with him? He should be going beserk!? Goku just beat him again! Why in the hell is he laughing!?* she thought. To be honest she was disapointed, she wanted to see some kind of mental explosion from the jerk, but he was completely composed, well not exactly composed, but far from distraut. It was all too bizaarre.

"Why are you laughing?" she asked wide-eyed. This was the firs time she actually saw him laugh, but it this situation isn't something you'd want to remember. Vegeta sounded like he was absolutely insane! Anyone within a mile radius would think that her house was a looney bin!

"Nothing that concerns you weakling!" he spat.

"Well! Sorry for wanting to know why you were laughing like some person who escaped from the insane asylum!" she yelled. He looked at her for a short while before turning away and cracking an evil grin. Now Bulma was starting to get scared. She needed to get it out of him...somehow.

"Vegeta! If you don't tell me I...I won't fix your damn machine ever again!" she said thinking on her feet. He shot back around to face her face.

"If you must know, I let Kakarrot win, because it doesn't matter," he smirked. Bulma was about to roll on the floor laughing at what the Saiyan just said. The day Vegeta lets Goku "win" at something is the day Chi-Chi is okay with Gohan never studying. It was simply proposterous!

"Yeah, okay Vegeta. Listen, we all lose at some point, doesn't mean that we have to lie about it, you'll get over it someday Princey," she chuckled. His expression told her to shut up unless she wanted to die young.

"Listen you just worry about your next lesson for me and the idiot, if you know what's good for you," he scowled. Bulma smiled. She knew she should be afraid, but she wasn't, this was actually amusing her.

"What-ever you say Princey," she shot back. He got up and walked towards he front door. "Going to train?" she asked.

"Hmph" he responded.

"I'll call you when dinner is ready," she replied. Something told her that maybe she should have gone made a different tie breaker.

_**At the Son house...**_

"Chi-Chi! I won the test against Vegeta! Fair and square! I wrote all of the alphabet and a word starting with each letter!" Goku cheered.

"Well Goku, you know what?" Chi-Chi asked.

"What?" he countered.

"Gohan was able to do that when he was 4 years old!" she bellowed. Goku just grinned and scratched his head.

**So why did Vegeta let Goku win? Well, that part is up to me to decide... Okie dokie, please remember to REVIEW and let me know your guy's thoughts on this. Until next time!**


	4. Berries

_**I'm pretty sure I don't own Dragon Ball Z or it's**_

_**characters...but if I did then I guess I'm complete!**_

_**But seriously, I don't own it people! So that would make this a**_

_**DISCLAIMER!**_

**Books Are For Humans: Chapter 2: Berries**

It was five in the morning and Bulma was asleep in her bed. She had had a tough day and she needed her rest.

"GET THE HELL UP!" screamed Vegeta. This was the second time in the row, which was the line for Bulma. She was ready to kill him at the moment.

"Vegeta…" she murmured quietly "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" she roared. She moved quickly and threw her alarm clock at him. He dodged it effortlessly.

"Nice try woman, but you're going to have to do a hell of a lot better than that," he smirked. She grunted and gripped her pillow. She was going to kill him one of these days.

"What do you want jackass!?" she yelled.

"Time for the lesson you promised me and the idiot," he answered.

"It is five o'clock in the MORNING!" she yelped.

"So?" he questioned crossing his arms.

"So...Prince Vegeta, if you wish to live, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM!" Bulma bellowed. She looked up from her pillow and saw a glass figurine she had bought when she was bored. She grinned from ear to ear. She moved her hand slowly towards it so that Vegeta wouldn't suspect a thing until it cracked against his skull.

"Finally decided to shut up did you?" he smirked.

"Hmph" she responded as her hand inched closer towards the figure.

"Well, are you coming or not?" he demanded. *Finally! I got it!* Bulma thought. She wrapped her fingers around the cold glass item and smiled even bigger.

"Vegeta?" she asked.

"What do you want woman!?" he followed up.

"Get out!" she threw the figurine across her room so fast it whooshed against her head. He didn't even have to blink before he caught it with his left hand. He brought it closer to his face, examined it and then waved it around.

"I told you, you had to better than that if you wanted to hit me," he smirked. "If you want this back, you'll have to come downstairs for it," he said waving it while walking out of the room. She let her face fall back onto her pillow. *Damn it all to hell! Oh well, if I don't get down there he'll probably destroy my house* she thought. *Plus, I really do like that figurine*.

As she got up from her bed, she noticed something, Vegeta was acting calm again, after yesterday's incident, she thought that he would surely explode today. What was he planning?

Bulma got dressed and went downstairs so the Saiyans wouldn't nag her. As she walked downstairs she heard grunts and groans.

"You're going down Kakarrot!" grunted Vegeta.

"It isn't over until the fat lady sings Vegeta," responded Goku. She got down to bottom of the staircase and witnessed what the two men have been doing to kill time until her arrival; arm wrestling. She smacked her forehead with her palm and rolled her eyes.

"Ok boys time for today's lesson. Since both of you have gone through on the alphabet, it's time to learn how to spell out words properly," she cheered clasping her hands together.

"How do we do that Bulma?" Goku asked.

"Well, I have some spelling sheets for you that are pretty simple, actually, most preschoolers can do it," Bulma chuckled. She pulled out the two worksheets. They were unfinished 2-6 letter words with a picture to help out the user. Bulma gave the two men a pencil and a worksheet each.

"You expect us to do this without any help," whined Goku.

"Too tough for you Kakarrot?" smirked Vegeta.

"No, it's just a bit unfair," replied Goku.

"Goku, if 4 year olds can do it, I'm sure you'll be fine," Bulma sighed.

The two men settled down and began to work on the papers. There were only 20 words they had to complete in order to say that they were finished. After about half an hour Bulma looked up from her magazine and saw that the two Saiyans were struggling on the last word.

She had to resist no slapping them silly for not knowing what it is. She got up from her chair and walked around both of them. Vegeta covered his paper with his arm and glared at her, she quickly moved over to see Goku's progress and he wasn't so hostile.

"You guys seriously can't get the last one?" Bulma mocked. "Both of you eat at least one per day!"

"If you wish to keep life woman, I suggest you keep quiet," Vegeta threatened.

"Vegeta, you shouldn't threaten people like that," Goku pointed out.

"Thank you Goku," Bulma smiled.

"Both of you need to just shut up," growled Vegeta. They did remain quiet for another 10 minutes until Bulma's patience completely wore off.

"The last word is PASTRY! Geez, there is a picture of one right there!" she exclaimed.

"Well how did they expect us to just figure it out," Vegeta argued.

"Unless you live under a rock, which you two might as well should be, you should be able to figure out the damn word!" she countered.

"Ok, here's another one for you guys, we're jumping up two grades, these papers are for 2nd graders, you guys think you can handle them?" she asked. She gave them no time to respond, "Well, I really don't care," she gave them the papers and smiled.

The two men worked surprisingly faster than they had on the first paper and were finished in a matter of minutes. Bulma's mouth dropped.

"So you guys couldn't get the word 'pastry' but you guys knew how to spell 'parallelogram'?" she asked raising her eyebrows.

"It's easy to remember, plus, Gohan is always talking about them," Goku explained.

"Well, next grade up," Bulma sighed.

_**10 grades later...**_

"Well boys, you guys have made through highschool spelling, and it's only 11am, congratulations," Bulma smiled.

"Yippee, I feel complete now," Vegeta smirked sarcastically.

"Well Vegeta, now comes the hard part, you smart-ass, now we get to read books," she grinned.

"What books are we going to read," asked Goku.

"Nothing too hard, we'll start off at a 1st grade level," Bulma answered. She pulled out two textbooks.

"A t-time for frindes," Goku sounded out.

"Friends you idiot," Vegeta corrected. "So you expect us to read this entire thing?"

"No, there are mini stories in this thing Vegeta, we'll read one at a time," Bulma explained.

"Sounds good to me," cheered Goku.

"First story we'll read is called "Bert's Berries" by George Cue, who wants to start?" Bulma asked.

"I'll do it," Goku answered.

"Kiss-ass," smirked Vegeta.

"Vegeta," Bulma warned.

"What?" Vegeta smirked.

"If you don't stop I'll kick _**your**_ berries," Bulma continued.

"I'd like to see you try," Vegeta growled. Goku's eyes moved back and forth between the two and decided to break the tension.

"I LIKE BERRIES,"

**And there's chapter four! I really hoped you guys liked it, and if you didn't, the next chapter should be up by tomorrow! Yup TOMORROW! Please remember to REVIEW and let me know how you guys liked it or hated it so that I can improve for you guys! Until tomorrow! **

**Sincerely, Jojobee0109**


	5. Bert Has No Life!

_**I'm pretty sure I don't own Dragon Ball Z or it's**_

_**characters...but if I did then I guess I'm complete!**_

_**But seriously, I don't own it people! So that would make tis a**_

_**DISCLAIMER **_

**Books Are For Humans: Chapter 5: Bert Has No Life!**

Bulma and Vegeta turned their heads to look at the cheerful male. Goku held his smile and moved his eyes back and forth between the two.

"Is there something on my face?" Goku asked smiling and pointing on to his nose.

"Kakarrot….you really are an idiot…" Vegeta muttered.

"Hey, I'm just trying to….lighten the mood!" Goku smiled putting his hands behind his head.

"You guys are really strange…." Bulma sighed.

"Well, you're not exactly the picture of 'normal', you wench" Vegeta said. Bulma shot him a glare and he smirked.

"Excuse me! I am perfectly normal, well with the exception of my beauty," Bulma snickered.

"Right…. 'beauty', well we all see what we want," Vegeta smirked.

"And that's coming from the horse's mouth," Bulma countered. Goku crossed his arms and placed his chin on them, he knew it would be awhile before they were done.

_**Ten minutes later…**_

"Well you can STICK IT IN YOUR PU-"

"Bulma! NO!" Goku yelled.

"Well he started it!" Bulma roared.

"Well I'm finishing it!" he said.

"Look at the little Kakarrot, trying to be a man," Vegeta smirked.

"More than you'll ever be…" Bulma muttered.

"Mind repeating that for me again?" Vegeta glared.

"Gladly!" Bulma shouted.

"You guys!" Goku pleaded.

"You're right Goku," Bulma turned her head to look at Vegeta, "Here, let me be the mature one," she extended her hand for him to shake. He glared at it with disgust and smirked.

"I know where they've been, and _**they've**_ been around _**a lot**_!" Vegeta snarled. Bulma lost it. She lunged at him. Her body collided with his and she let all of her fury out on his head.

"Get off of me you wench!" Vegeta screamed.

"You little palace brat! Who the hell do you think you are!?" Bulma shouted. Vegeta's hands were blocking Bulma's fists from touching his face. Bulma closed her eyes and kept on swinging.

Goku laughed a bit and brushed his lap off even though it had nothing on it, stood up and walked towards them. He popped his knuckles and grabbed Bulma off of Vegeta.

"Goku! Put me down this instant!" she bellowed.

"Hit her Kakarrot!" Vegeta cheered.

"Now, unless you two stop fighting, I will lock you two in a room and I will not let you two out until you behave like two civilized people!" Goku warned.

"Kakarrot, you couldn't even lay a finger on me," Vegeta smirked. Goku smiled and narrowed his eyes at Vegeta. Bulma, who was still trapped in Goku's arms, swung her arm to Goku's face and landed a blow. Goku let her go and held his face.

"That wasn't very nice Bulma," he said.

"Well, Goku, I don't give a damn!" she shouted.

"Don't tell me that actually hurt Kakarrot," Vegeta chuckled.

"No, it just caught me off guard," Goku explained.

"Doesn't look like it," Vegeta laughed.

"Is that so? Well, how come you couldn't get Bulma off of you?" Goku questioned.

"I didn't want to completely destroy her," Vegeta answered.

"Really, because it seems to me that the Prince of Saiyans is growing weak," Goku joked.

"You want to go Kakarrot?" Vegeta hissed.

"Ok boys, put them back in your pants," Bulma laughed crossing her arms. Both of the Saiyans looked at her as if she was crazy, which made her laugh even more. All three of them looked awful. Bulma's hair was all over the place and her headband was nowhere in sight, Vegeta's face was smudged with dirt and his clothes on his torso had Bulma's foot print on them, Goku's cheek had a red mark from where Bulma had struck it and his clothes were a bit ruffled from Bulma squirming. After a while all three of them picked up the textbooks.

"Now, Goku, please begin reading," Bulma said. Goku opened up his book, took a deep breath and began.

_Big Bert liked to eat._

"Hey! Bert and I have that in common!" Goku cheered.

"Kelp for brains…." Vegeta whispered.

"Goku, go on," Bulma said.

_All bears do._

_But Bert was not like any other bear._

"He was an idiot…" Vegeta muttered.

"Vegeta do you want to read?" Bulma asked.

"No," he answered.

"Then shut the hell up!" she shouted. "Goku," she led on.

_Bert liked to eat berries._

Vegeta was going to talk but Bulma looked at him. "Don't you dare."

_Not fish!_

_Not what other bears eat!_

_Just berries._

"Looks like Bert _**loved **_berries," Vegeta smirked.

_But in winter it was cold._

"Cold in the winter? No," Vegeta said sarcastically.

"Vegeta…" Bulma hissed.

_It was too cold for berries._

_So Bert sat in his cave._

_He thought about berries._

"This bear has an addiction," Vegeta chuckled.

"Well, Vegeta, we have an addiction to training, to each is all," Goku smiled. Goku looked back down to the book and continued.

_All other bears went to sleep._

_They would sleep all winter._

"Lazy asses…" Vegeta muttered.

_But not Bert!_

_He sat in the cold cave._

_He thought about berries._

"Oh my…. He has a problem. Bert, lay off the berries," Vegeta smirked.

_One day winter was over._

_Bert ran from his cave._

"Hopefully he fell…" Vegeta said. At this point Bulma wasn't paying any attention to him and was focusing on Goku's reading.

"_It's time for berries again!" he said._

"Wait a minute! This idiot waited all winter for _**berries**_?" Vegeta asked.

"Yeah what about it?" Bulma answered.

"He just sat in the cave….for berries?" Vegeta continued.

"Yes. Goku let's give you a break. Vegeta, since you seem invested in the story, why don't you read?" Bulma said.

"Fine." Vegeta answered.

_Bert found some berries._

_But they were too green to eat._

_So he waited._

_Every day he went to look at the berries._

"Doesn't he have anything better to do?" asked Goku.

"Apparently not," Vegeta answered.

_One day he said,_

"_The berries look good. They are not so green. Any day now I can eat them."_

"Not too bright, are you Bert," Vegeta smirked.

_There was no sleep for Bert that night. _

_He thought about all the berries._

_He would eat them in the morning._

"What a…..weirdo," Goku muttered.

"Well at least it's over," Vegeta sighed.

"Nope. Read the top corner," Bulma smirked.

_Part 1 of 3_

"DAMN IT!"

**Chapter 5 everyone! Hoped you guys liked it! This is actually a real story! I literally almost cried because it was so boring! I absolutely hated it! Well anyways, please REVIEW and let me know what you guys thought of it. **


	6. No Cradle?

_**I'm pretty sure I don't own Dragon Ball Z or its**_

_**characters...but if I did then I guess I'm complete!**_

_**But seriously, I don't own it people! So that would make tis a**_

_**DISCLAIMER!**_

**Ok so… sorry that it has taken this long to update but the thing is….. oh geez… you guys are probably scolding me through your screen…. It's like when you're at church and you feel that the people in the stain glass windows are staring at you… Anyways…. I decided to not post Bert's Berries part two through three because I felt like it would bore you guys to hear about the same story…. If you guys wish to see those "lost chapters" tell me so… if I hear enough about it I will probably cave but for me those chapters are like weird….. Oh and let it be known that the following pieces of literature do NOT belong to me! **

**So without further ado, Books Are For Humans everybody! **

**Books Are For Humans: Chapter 6: No Cradle?**

Vegeta was rubbing his chin outside of Bulma's bedroom, once again, at 5:00 am. *How to make the blue urchin angry as hell… * he thought repeatedly to himself. A lightbulb went off in his head and grinned from ear to ear. He would scream at her, at the top of his lungs, thus blasting her head off. Seriously, sometimes he thought that he was the genious in this household.

He rubbed his hands together and smiled. He did everything he could so as to not to make a peep. He could feel his adrenaline rush through his body as his hand was placed upon the handle. He breathed in and out before making another move. He turned it ever so slowly and then _**whoosh! **_

The room was…. Empty. No one was in the bed. Vegeta looked around and then _**POW! **_Vegeta had been hit in the face…. With a frying pan, by none other than Bulma Briefs herself.

He fell to the floor and held his face, hiding the intense huge red mark on his face. Bulma smirked and looked down at the hurting Prince. She spun the frying pan by its handle and laughed.

"Remember yesterday, when you told me that I would have to do better than just throwing a figurine at you? Well Princey, that was only a fraction of what I could do to you," she chuckled.

"Y-you caught me by surprise… stupid weakling," he mumbled getting back to his feet. He wiped the trickles of blood protuding from his nose and sniffed. It was true though. The fact that she had gotten the jump on him was what made it hurt all the more worse.

"Right, says the guy with the ability to feel the direction from which energy is coming from," she sassed. She didn't give him chance to respond; she was on her way down to the living room. Vegeta put his hands on his hips, mimicking her as he followed.

Once Bulma was down stairs she saw exactly what she expected to see, Goku sitting with a huge grin on his face.

"Ok fellas! Time for another story, or in this case…. Rhymes!" Bulma announced.

"Wait! What type of rhymes?" Goku asked putting his hands on the table. Bulma raised her eyebrows and smiled.

"Nursery rhymes. I got the idea after watching a show the other day and well, I checked out some books for you guys!" she cheered. Vegeta was appauled and it showed clearly on his face. His expression only made Bulma snicker more.

"Rhymes huh? Oh I got one," Vegeta smirked clearing his thoat, "Earthlings are weak, most being geeks, they die from a kick, they can all suck on my giant di-"

"Vegeta! That's nasty!" Bulma shouted. Goku looked at them and frowned.

"Suck on what?" he asked scratching his head.

"Nothing Goku…." Bulma answered narrowing her eyes at the smiling Vegeta.

"So, what nursery rhyme are we going to be reading Bulma?" questioned Goku. Bulma moved her eyes back and forth and grinned devilishly.

"Not just a 'rhyme' Goku, but 'rhymes'!" she squealed. Vegeta rolled his eyes and hung his head… this was the price to pay to be better than Goku…. Damn it.

"Ok then, what 'rhymes'?" Goku asked again smiling.

"I actually have a book full of them, so we'll start with the first one on there," she explained. She moved her hands to the side of the table and pulled out three books, all were exactly alike.

"Rhymes for the Infants" was the title splattered across the book. All three of them eyed it and opened the piece of "literature".

"Ok, since Goku went first last time," Bulma started turning her head to the prince, "Vegeta, why don't you start us off," she snickered. He looked at her, eyes full of threats and despise, groaned, and turned the page.

He cleared his throat, "Hump and Dump-"

"Vegeta! It's 'Humpty Dumpty'!" Bulma corrected.

"I know, but I like this title better….." he smirked. Bulma sighed and signaled for him to continue.

"Humpy Dumpy sat on a wall…. Please fall….. please fall….." Bulma glared at him and he continued, "Humpy Dumpy had a great fall-" Vegeta pumped his fist in the air, dropping his book. When he was done he picked up his book, "All the King's horses. And all the King's men, couldn't put Humpy together again….." Vegeta sighed, "Well that's what he gets for being a dumbass…." He snickered.

"Thank Kami you're done….. Goku, please enlighten us," Bulma cried.

"Okie dokie," Goku smiled. He turned his page and squinted his eyes at the book, concentrating. "Monday's child is fair of face… Bulma what does that mean?" he asked.

"It means you're an idiot…" Vegeta grumbled.

"Shut it, you flame-haired freak!" she yelled, "It means that kids that were born on a Monday are beautiful, such as me," Bulma beamed.

"What have _**you**_ been smoking?" Vegeta mocked.

"Nothing, it's the plain truth," Bulma answered happily.

"No, it's just you have never taken a good look at yourself, because you break every mirror you look into, you wench!" Vegeta sneered.

Goku, having known that they would never stop, ignored both of them and carried on.

"Tuesday's child is full of grace, Wednesday's child is full of woe, Thursday's child has far to go,"

"Hey Vegeta, you must have been born on a Wednesday then, huh?" Bulma retorted. Vegeta only smirked and turned his head.

"Friday's child is loving and giving, Saturday's child works hard for his living, and the child that is born on the Sabbath day, is bonny and blithe, and good and gay," Goku finished. Vegeta snickered and leaned in to Goku's ear to whisper something. Bulma bit her cheek in annoyance and frowned. Goku nodded towards Vegeta and sighed.

"Bulma, what does gay mean?" Goku asked with a serious face. Bulma rolled her eyes and glared at Vegeta.

"It means happy, why?" Bulma barked. Goku looked over at Vegeta. The prince shook his head with his arms crossed.

"Vegeta, says that's not what it means," Goku claimed.

"It does so mean happy!" Bulma shouted. "Anyways! It's Vegeta's turn to read!"

"Fine, whatever. Hush-a-bye baby, on the tree top, when the wind blows, the cradle will rock, when the bough breaks, the cradle will fall, down will come baby, cradle and all," Vegeta barked.

Goku's mouth hit the floor in shock. "Who puts a baby on a tree!?" he exclaimed.

"No one Goku, it's just a nurserey rhyme," Bulma assured.

"No it's not, that's what we did with our infants on Planet Vegeta," Vegeta explained.

"Stop lying, no you guys did not," Bulma laughed. Vegeta turned to her with a serious face.

"Well, not exactly, we never used a cradle,

**Um…. So babies fell on their own…. Ouch….. Anyways, pwetty pwease with sugar on top remember to REVIEW and let me know how you guys liked it or haed it, because I try to improve for you guys!**


	7. Kraken

_**I'm pretty sure I don't own Dragon Ball Z or its**_

_**characters...but if I did then I guess I'm complete!**_

_**But seriously, I don't own it people! So that would make this a**_

_**DISCLAIMER!**_

**Books Are For Humans: Chapter 7: Kraken**

Vegeta was in his room, lying on his big bed, him and the ceiling were having a stare down contest. The blank white color was the only thing he had in view.

"Funny…. The idiot usually arrives at this time… Maybe he finally died!" he cheered in vain. He knew he would have sensed something if that glorious event occurred. It was 4:50 in the morning. He had actually planned on how to annoy the blue haired urchin this morning, but had decided against it. That thing wasn't even worth his time… he believed that by doing nothing, he had indeed shown that he was better than her.

Vegeta had woken up, his sheets soaked in his sweat, from a nightmare… He had been trapped in a room full of tiles. He walked around and then encountered a dark corner, along with a familiar silhouette. A light had immediately turned on, and to his fear… it was the most dreaded thing he could be trapped in a room with…. The most annoying nuisance to have ever lived…. One even more awful than the blue wench….. Kakarrot. He began to talk nonstop! The tiles were no longer tiles, but instead televisions… all portrayed the idiot talking… and laughing!

When he woke up…. He couldn't fall back to sleep. As he lay there in thought, his window opened.

"Haven't you ever heard of a door you idiot?" Vegeta spoke.

"I thought I might wake you up, but it seems you're already up and around… well kinda… you're up," Goku chuckled.

Vegeta arose from his bed and walked towards his door. It was at that moment that he got a brilliant idea. He would annoy the woman today… as well as receiving an added bonus.

"Kakarrot… I'm sure the woma—Bulma hasn't gotten up. What do you say if we give her a proper good morning?" Vegeta asked, his back to Goku.

Goku smiled, oblivious to Vegeta's true intentions. "That sounds like a great idea!" he laughed. Vegeta winced when Goku let out his laugh. That wound was still a bit fresh….

"After you," Vegeta snickered.

"Well aren't you being nice? Thank you Vegeta!" Goku beamed. Vegeta was being disgusted at the idiot's actions… it was too much niceness for his liking.

Goku walked in front of Vegeta through the entire corridors. Turning here and there and then finally… Bulma's door was in sight.

"Kakarrot, when you—I mean when _we_ go inside, I think we should scream good morning at the top of our lungs," Vegeta whispered

"Well, what are you waiting for Kakarrot? Knock," Vegeta whispered harshly. Goku attempted to contain his laughter by covering his mouth with his hand. He nodded towards the flame-haired warrior and knocked on the door.

Vegeta backed away from the door. He moved a good foot towards the left side of the door. He smiled devilishly and crossed his arms.

When there was no response to Goku's knocking, Goku turned his head to Vegeta and raised his eyebrows. Vegeta made a signal to keep on knocking, and Goku followed.

_**In Bulma's Room….**_

Bulma had been beside her door since 4:45 in the morning. She had anticipated that Vegeta would conjure up a plan, in the hopes of annoying her beyond belief and ruining her day completely.

But alas! She has outsmarted him both yesterday and today, a pattern that if he wishes to continue, he shall be put in his place! No one wakes Bulma Briefs before 7:00 and gets away with it! Hell will most likely break lose on the unfortunate soul.

She has in her hands, a can of mace. Not just any puny can, no, this was a special can. She had developed it herself. This kind of mace was meant for Saiyans….. A "Saiyan repellant" as she liked to call it. Spraying the entire thing in the eyes of a Saiyan, would be the equivalent of spraying about half a can of pepper spray into a normal human's eyeballs, at least she hoped it was.

Yes, the tables have turned on the pathetic Prince of Saiyans! She composed herself and concentrated on the hallway noises. Whenever a step-like noise is made, Bulma widens her eyes and tightens her fingers around the cold cylinder. Her index finger having a hunger to just press down on the spray and let it all out.

She heard footsteps! He was moving quickly because she heard many footsteps at once. She formulated a plan in her head, she would wait for him to knock twice, and then she would open the door but remain hidden, and when he's in her room completely, she'll jump out and spray away! It was brilliant!

A knock! One more to go!

_**Outside Bulma's Door….**_

Goku knocked lightly on Bulma's wooden door. Silence intruded even more so after that.

"Vegeta, she isn't asweri-" the door had opened to reveal a tiny crack of light emitting from the other side of the door. Goku smiled and then rushed through the door.

_WHOOOSH!_

"GOOD MORNING BULMA!" Goku yelled. Before Bulma could process that Goku was the intruder, she moved the can so that it was on the side of Goku's head. Goku turned to see a silver bottle. Bulma's finger moved faster than her mind, and she sprayed away. Vegeta was the only one conscious of everything that was going on.

"AHH! Geez that really burns!" Goku yelped rubbing his eyes.

"Goku!? Oh dear Kami! I am so sorry! I thought that you were…" Bulma stuttered.

"Ahahahaha! That was priceless!" Vegeta was in hysterics. He held his torso so that it wouldn't burst.

"Vegeta!" Bulma grunted. "This is all your fault!" she yelled as she ran to the bathroom.

"This really hurts…." Goku groaned.

"I afraid I don't _see _what you mean!?" Vegeta laughed. Bulma returned with a wet washcloth.

"Here you go Goku, put that over your eyes. It should reduce the burning. I am so sorry," she apologized.

"Why did you hurt me?" he whimpered.

"Well I thought that you were that idiot over there," she answered.

"Who's the real idiot in this room?" Vegeta questioned. Bulma grunted and turned away.

_**10 Minutes later….**_

"Well boys, given that Goku will be unable to read today…. Again sorry about that….. Vegeta, you will be the reader today!" Bulma snickered.

"I have no regrets…. It was worth seeing the idiot in pain," Vegeta chuckled.

"My eyes still kinda sting… how long will the pain last?" Goku asked, his head tilted to keep the damp cloth in place.

Bulma bit her cheek before she responded. "About another half hour."

"Too bad it doesn't last forever…" Vegeta muttered.

"Well, onto today's lesson gentlemen. Um… since Goku can't see for the moment, we're going to see how well both of you can spell and as an added bonus, you must use the word in a sentence," Bulma explained.

"Wait, is the word that we have to spell coming from the story we're reading?" Goku asked positioning the cloth back into place.

"Nope. If it were than Vegeta would be able to cheat. The word that you are given will be one that I think about at random," she explained.

_(AN: So when either Vegeta or Goku get the word wrong they will of course spell it the way that they think is right, but when they use it in a sentence, it'll be spelled the correct way. We're all on the same boat now right?)_

"Either way, I'll be better than Kakarrot," Vegeta snapped.

"It's sad how you really believe that," Bulma chimed.

"Shut it," Vegeta barked.

"All right boys, today we're reading another story from the text book," Bulma smiled, pulling out the red books. "Vegeta, turn to page 60," she instructed.

"_That's What Friends Are For_," he smirked. "You can't be serious?"

"Start reading," Bulma commanded.

Vegeta rolled his eyes and huffed.

_Elliot has a leg that doesn't work._

"I bet that's not the only thing that doesn't work," Vegeta muttered.

"Wait is that in the book?" Goku asked.

"No Goku, it's just Vegeta being an idiot," Bulma snapped.

_And this was the day that he was going to—_

"Get a life?" Vegeta inserted.

"Vegeta!" Bulma screeched. He continued.

_See his cousin!_

_What can I do? _

"I have a few suggestions," Vegeta coaxed.

"Then shove them up your as-"

"Bulma, watch the language," Goku ordered.

"But he is such a huge-" she began.

"Uh-uh," Goku stopped. Bulma groaned and frowned.

Vegeta smirked and narrowed his eyes at her. Bulma stuck her tongue out at him in response.

_I can't visit my cousin with my bad leg like this._

_I'll ask my friends!_

"Wait a minute? He has friends? I suppose next it's going to say that Kakarrot has a brain," Vegeta snorted.

"Hey! I do to have a brain!" Goku retorted holding the cloth in place.

"Oh that's right. Sometimes when you walk, I can hear it rattle around in your thick skull," Vegeta smirked.

_They'll tell me what to do!_

"What a tool…" Vegeta coughed.

"Okay… Word time! Goku, spell annotation and use it in a sentence," Bulma stuttered.

"Okay… A-N-O-T-A-T-I-O-N, and I have made an _annotation _in my writing paper," Goku boomed.

"You got one of the two questions right. You spelled _annotation _wrong," she said, "Okay Vegeta, since you seem to have an interest in this story…. As always… You get a difficult word." She jeered.

"Give me your best shot you wench," he snapped.

"Alright you buffoon, spell whilom, oh and use it in a sentence," she chuckled.

"Fine. W-I-L-O-M. And for the sentence, they were _whilom _friends," he quipped.

"Close but no cigar. _Whilom_ is spelled W-H-I-L-O-M. You used it in the correct way though," she laughed. "Boys, you have to do your homework!" Bulma screeched.

"What homework? Usually by the time it's 11 o'clock, you tell us to leave you alone because it'll cross over with your 'Bulma Time', then you turn all grumpy," Goku queried.

"Well if it becomes 'Bulma Time', you two need to go away," she grunted.

"Kakarrot, if we don't she'll turn into the Kraken," Vegeta sneered.

"I'll show you kraken you good for nothing piece-"

"What happens to Elliot!?" Goku demanded to know.

"Yes Vegeta, what happens to Elliot?" Bulma chimed.

"He dies and then his body rots away, the end," Vegeta taunted.

"Just keep reading dammit," she said exasperated.

_Elliot's friend the bird swooped in to see the situation. _

_Is something wrong? Bird asked._

"Oh, great. Another genius. He is lying on the floor face flat. His legs look contorted and dislocated. No, nothing is wrong," Vegeta smirked.

_My leg is broken, which means that I can't see my cousin! Elliot said._

_Well, if you can't walk, you can fly. It is what I would do! Bird said._

"This bird is as dumb as Kakarrot if it thinks elephants can fly," Vegeta spat.

"Elephants can fly, it's been done before," Goku explained.

"Name one time," Vegeta countered.

"Dumbo!" Goku yelled.

**My deepest apologies for not updating sooner… But here it is! Please REVIEW and tell me what you thought. Toodles!**


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